Oh Happy Day!

Had a fun day today! After surviving an ice storm - I slid down my front steps into my ice encapsulated vehicle - I had fun sitting with my sister and friends at church. We heard a great message about Jesus and how he did everything well. No pressure! That being said, I will strive to imitate that as best as I can. The weird thing that came to mind was me and RJV again! I kept thinking "Have I forgiven him well?"  I am having a really difficult time discerning whether I'm suddenly (post disastrous convo) having a hard time letting things go because A. He really matters to me, or B. God is not allowing me to let go - until I've dealt/forgiven properly or C. I'm unable to let go, because there's something else that needs to be done before the letting go can commence! Ugh!

Why are relationships a kick in the head sometimes?

Met with an elementary school friend whom I probably saw less than 5 times while we were in high school today! It was great! She was in PHL visiting family for a few days from Houston and I got to meet up with her, her sister and their 3 boys! They were an energetic handful. My friend graduated from Harvard Law and is this big lawyer in Houston who's looking to make a career change to work in International Development in DC. I'm glad there are a number of us doing the career change/moving thing.

While I was waiting for them at a gorgeous restaurant www.whitedog.com, I ran into a table of other friends. We got to talking, as women do, and the conversation led back to RJV. I swear all conversation roads with me have led back to him since our stewpid convo! Anyway, one of my friends Bev, thinks we just need to have a convo part II a la Mt 18: 15 - 17 with someone else present. For some reason, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like that idea! My darling friend Stephen is already planning to talk to RJV to help him 'get it'. He was horrified and outraged by how the alleged apology conversation went, and his reaction was more validating than it had any right to be!  Bev, thinks after their tete a tete,  Stephen, RJV and I need to have a sit down - and I like it! It's the best I've felt about this situ in a while...

Made this list of truths about the site while waiting for my friend (who was an hour plus late) to arrive :o)

• I am NOT okay with where things are between RJV and I.
  
• I am not fully okay with not being friends.
  
• However, I don't think we can be friends (right now).
  
• I want DESPERATELY for him to "get it".
  
• I desperately want to "get" what the lessons are that God has for me in this situ.
  
• I do NOT want to date him.
  
• I am confident that he is NOT the one for me.
  
• I want him to give me a sincere apology that shows him as truly broken by what he did to me.
  
• I want him to get what he did to me and what the full impact of it all is.
  
• I realize I probably do not know the full impact of what he did to me.
  
• I also am grateful I do not get the full impact of what God saved me from by revealing his true nature before I got more involved with him.
  
• I want an explanation of what really happened and the whys and hows. (Even though I realize it probably will not be helpful, I feel the need to know.)
• I miss (the good parts i.e. most) of our friendship.
  
• I don't want someone else to suffer at his hand.
  
• I want to move on and be COMPLETELY free from RJV and this situation.